Kissed
by nat-chan
Summary: Based on the wonderful poem by Alicia Blade! Darien is coming home from University....does he even remember that moment so long ago?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
If I had kissed you  
I would know what it was like  
to be kissed.  
But I may have wasted  
A perfectly romantic moment  
On a face who is now  
Nothing but a photograph  
In an album  
In the bottom-right drawer  
Of my desk  
  
I still don't know what it's like  
To be kissed.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Kissed  
Alicia Blade  
  
Title: Kissed  
Author: Nat-chan  
E-mail: natia_99@yahoo.com  
Genre: Romance/Alt. Reality  
Rated: PG  
Disclaimer: .noomrolias nwo ton od I  
(Translation: I am bored with disclaimers.)  
  
AN's: Inspired by Alicia Blade's poem as you can see! I just got her  
poetry book and it's WONDERFUL!!!! la la la la!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Serena sighed wearily as she walked into her room.  
  
So he was coming home.  
  
It had been years since she had last seen him. Years.  
The years between the childish, fairytale part of her teens  
and the funny, half-adult place she now stood in.  
  
Eighteen.  
  
That would make him....? Twenty-one? Twenty-two?  
It sounded so old, so....grown up. Did that make him a  
man? It sounded so silly to use the word *man*. She could  
never have managed it out loud without laughing.  
  
She sat down on the faded pink edge of her bed and fingered  
her hair thoughtfully. It was styled differently now, no more  
funny twin buns with pig-tails for him to mock.  
  
Not that she would expect him to make fun of her now, after all  
this time....after that last moment they had shared.   
  
She shook herself. She wasn't going to allow herself those   
thoughts, they had tormented her for so long after he'd left.  
Filled her head with ridiculous, nonsense ideas like taking   
the train up and running across campus to him like an idiot.  
  
What was done was done.  
  
She'd accepted it and moved on.  
  
She sighed. ~Yeah right.~  
  
If moving on meant being eighteen without ever having been  
kissed, then hey, bullseye!  
But no, that was *not* it.  
  
For a moment she'd spoiled, she thought wryly, she'd certainly  
stayed faithful to it.  
  
She shook her head of these thoughts once again and let her eyes  
travel restlessly about the room. The walls were covered in   
photographs that she had made during this first semester of College.  
They were black and white, large and mostly very beautiful.  
  
Trees, cloudy skies--one of the most difficult things to photograph,  
the moon....  
  
She worked very hard now that she knew this was what she wanted to  
do. Of course, she'd always played around at it a bit....  
  
Suddenly she jumped up, remembering something....  
  
She ran to her desk and ripped open the bottom drawer, rooting through  
books and papers till she found an old album. Sitting back on her feet  
she flipped through it madly till she found it....black and white...perfect...  
The photograph she'd taken of him some month before he'd left...one of the first  
she'd made herself....  
  
His tall figure hidden by the edges of the frame, just the broad shoulders  
showed, the handsome face, the fresh, beautiful skin....the deep richness of  
his eyes enhanced by the gray scale of the photograph.  
  
She propped it up on her desk and stared thoughtfully at it. At him.  
Darien....  
  
  
She could still hear Rei's voice telling her how he was coming  
home...grinning sarcastically as she added, "Hey, maybe you'll have  
another chance--and you'll get it RIGHT this time!"  
  
Serena had winced and snapped something at her--but her heart had been  
dancing wildly in her chest.  
  
Darien. The boy who loved to tease her. The last boy she'd ever expected  
to have feelings for her....if that's what they had been...?  
  
He was away, about a six hour train ride, studying music...  
She shut her eyes as visions of sitting on his porch listening to him  
play guitar filled her mind.  
  
He was always so talented.  
  
Her mother and his had long been best friends and so she was first forced  
to go visit the obnoxious boy who pulled her hair and called her  
Meatballhead.....and then, quite suddenly he'd changed and they'd become  
friends. Good friends.  
  
In fact, when he'd caught some guy from school calling her  
dumpling head, he'd dropped his guitar case and chased him several  
blocks away before she'd stopped him from pummeling the poor fool.  
  
She smiled at the thought.  
  
Yes, friends. She'd always figured nothing more. I mean, he  
was older, smarter, handsome....she was just a little sister to   
him right? Apparently wrong.  
  
Although who knew...maybe that moment hadn't meant so much.  
Had just been an out of the blue kind of thing...?  
  
She sighed. Her mind was all jumbled and spinning again and  
she hadn't even seen him yet!  
  
Speaking of which! She lept to her closet and ruefully  
smiled at how obvious she was being as she threw all her best  
clothes on the bed and prepared to decide which ones would  
make the perfect outfit.  
  
He was arriving this afternoon!  
  
She held up various pants and skirts in the mirror and let  
her thoughts tumble around. She was probably being foolish.  
I mean, they hadn't spoken since he'd left--not really. She'd  
written so many letters...and then never mailed them. The only  
thing she'd sent him...on impulse once...was a photograph.  
  
She'd developed it and perfected it endlessly and then wrapped it  
up and sent it before the rational part of her brain stopped her.  
  
She wondered if he'd ever gotten it. She'd never received anything  
from him...always hearing about what he was doing from his mother.  
  
He'd sent a tape home of his first songs...and they'd all listened  
one afternoon. She'd nearly cried she missed him so much and felt  
so terribly over how it had all gone wrong.  
  
She stopped in front of the mirror and regarded her pale face  
staring back.  
  
He was a wonderful, talented, beautiful person. Chances were   
he had some wonderful, talented, beautiful musician waiting for  
him back in his new life.  
  
She felt her heart sink--but then hardened her resolve--all the more  
reason this outfit had to be PERFECT!!!  
  
She remembered once...so many summers ago...she'd worn a navy blue   
dress...and he'd said he liked it...just that one thing, that one  
time.  
  
She ripped into her closest and searched it out near the back--praying  
it still fit.  
  
It was automn now, she's need a sweater and stuff with it--but she didn't  
care! She pulled it over her head, it was a tad snugger but not too bad.  
  
Then she sat herself down at her dressing table and took a good long look  
at her hair.  
  
It was still impossibly long, braided up into a bun--nice and conservative.  
She fiddled with it and pulled down some long tendrils to frame her face.  
Her face. Plain, pale, wide-eyed. Was she even beautiful at all?  
  
She looked dubiously at the small scattering of makeup she sometimes  
wore. Touching up the corners was the most she ever did. She'd only  
worn blush when he was last here! She put on the usual amount--very  
little and headed downstairs.  
  
Her mother saw her and smothered a smile.  
"Why, I haven't seen that dress on you in years  
sweetheart! It looks wonderful--I think you've finally  
grown into it!"  
  
Serena smiled, "Thanks Mom!"  
  
"Are you coming with us to pick up Darien?"  
  
Serena tried to shrug indifferently, "Sure, I guess so."  
  
Her mother just raised her eyebrows, "Alright, let's go then."  
  
They headed out to the car and drove in relative silence.  
  
Serena's mother had a feeling she knew what had happened four  
years ago. She knew it had haunted Serena ever since but her  
baby had only been fourteen--too young, especially at heart,  
to be ready for it.  
  
But she'd hung onto whatever it was all this time. Romantisized  
it and idealized and held it precious just for herself. She   
might have worried that her daughter was making too much of it  
save for how Darien asked about her every single time he wrote.  
  
She smiled.  
  
In a small town, growing up side by side, love was easiest and   
hardest to recognize.  
  
Serena stared out the window....remembering....  
  
*flashback*  
  
It was Darien's going away bonfire...in the endless fields near the rugged  
coast of the sea. Everyone was there....Darien, his sister Lita and his  
cousin Rei.....Serena's own cousin Mina and her best friend Ami....Darien's  
best friend Andrew and the rest of his crew from School, Chad--another  
musician, Ken and Greg.  
  
They sat laughing and munching around the delightful fire. Chad and  
Darien played together and Mina sang....she'd even sung some herself!  
She remembered how heartsick Rei had been all summer because she was in   
love with Chad. She sat a little away from him and Serena could practically  
hear her heart breaking that he was leaving and didn't seem to care for her.  
  
Greg and Ami had sat laughing and talking about studying abroad together.   
Lita had been sitting wistfully toasting marshmallows and Ken had finally  
taken her hand!  
  
It had all been wonderful...and frightening....  
  
Of course, they were all older than her--she'd always been the baby of  
the group. The only other person not graduating that year had been  
Rei and even she'd been in grade eleven!  
  
She'd only been fourteen--eons away it seemed, from graduating and  
starting her life.  
  
She'd sat, chatting and laughing with Andrew and Mina--the only two  
it seemed, not mushing it up or pining away....and then Darien had suddenly  
grabbed her up and started running for the beach.  
  
"C'mon Meatballhead, I'll race you to the water!"  
  
She could hear him saying it just like it was yesterday.  
She'd taken off laughing after him yelling, "No fair! You got a head start!"  
  
*End flashback*  
  
It was the last time they would all be together...Lita went away too, to study  
at a chef school across the country. Ami went abroad to study medicine. Mina  
got into Juliart and won a scholarship to theatre. Ken followed Lita and studied  
at a College nearby....Greg and Ami were practically engaged anyway and he was  
just as smart as she was so they actually went away together. Chad had been home  
from College already since he was two years older than Darien and then they left  
together to study music.  
  
Only she and Rei and Andrew had stayed to study at home--at the local College.  
Everyone else had gone.  
  
Just before he got on his train though, Chad had suddenly kissed Rei. She'd been  
deleriously happy. And they'd been together ever since. He'd finished his degree  
two years ago and was home, with Rei, working. They were getting married next   
summer. Serena just shook her head.  
  
Funny how they'd all paired off....  
  
She thought back to that night and shivered. She'd been so young and  
innocent then......and it had all been over in an instant. It only took  
one instant to grow up.  
  
Her mother interupted her thoughts, "We're here!"  
  
They got out and met up with Darien's mother and Rei. Rei  
smirked and winked impishly at her.  
  
Serena shot her a look but she only laughed.  
  
They headed into the train station--it felt like slow motion! She could  
feel herself getting lightheaded.  
  
They sat down in the waiting area after finding out his train was   
delayed and then it really WAS slow motion.  
  
Everyone chatted mindlessly and she felt her thoughts drift  
away again.  
  
*flashback*  
  
They'd stumbled breathlessly over the rocks and down the small  
scrap of sandy shore. The moon had been so bright that night. Too  
bright.   
  
He'd waited for her to catch her breath and then she'd caught it,  
that strange look in his eyes. He quickly covered it with a   
smile and winked impishly at her--the same wink as Rei used all  
the time.  
  
Then he'd swung an arm out and caught her up so quickly her eyes  
had widened like saucers.  
  
"Meatballhead..." He'd said smiling humorously...then his voice  
had changed..."Can I have a kiss before I go away?"  
  
She'd simply stared at him a long, long moment....too shocked to  
do anything.  
  
One arm around her, on a moonlit beach, his usually mocking eyes  
suddenly very serious on her own, she could only nod ever so slightly.  
  
But as he had leaned down and she'd felt his warm breath tickling her  
nose....smelled his aftershave....registered the pressure of his arm  
around her...she panicked.  
  
A terrible wave of shyness and embarassment overcame her and she knew,  
she just knew, she couldn't kiss him!  
  
So she'd pulled back like a terrified animal and blurted out  
something dreadful like, "Oh I can't! I can't! I'm sorry!"  
And run off into the night--ignoring his voice calling her name.  
  
Not Meatballhead, but her name. Over and over.  
  
She'd run away and cried in her room that night over what she had done.  
Confused and overwhelmed and weighted down suddenly with guilt and  
shame.  
  
*End flashback*  
  
"There's the train! There's the train!" His mother cheered.  
  
They all jumped up and hurried over. Serena suddenly felt foolish  
in her old fashioned navy blue dress.  
  
~Why did I wear this? I'm such an idiot!~  
  
She felt foolish for coming. She began to panic. Her stomach  
was in knots. That couldn't be right!  
  
The train hissed to a stop and people poured off into the station.  
They were all bobbing their heads around like chickens looking for  
him and--there he was!  
  
"I see him! I see him!" She hollared shamelessly and then  
blushed.  
  
It was surreal. There he was, the same, but not. Too vivid  
to be real. Too real to be anything else.  
  
Tall, handsome, guitar case in hand.....and then someone stepped  
off after him. He was chatting with her. She carried a violin  
case. She was beautiful.  
  
They smiled and laughed and carried on.  
  
Serena felt a terrible ripping sensation between her ribs  
and didn't know whether to cry or simply crumble to dust  
on the spot. Suddenly, more than the dress, *she* felt  
wretched.  
  
But he spotted them then and she couldn't leave. She looked  
away though and missed the sudden start he gave as his eyes  
found her. Everyone else saw but her.  
  
He hurried over and hugged his mother and Serena's mother in  
turn.  
  
"Hello! Hi Mom! I missed you too!"   
  
His voice was just the same too.  
  
"Oh, hey!" He faltered, realizing the beautiful violin  
player was still beside him, "I'd like you all to meet   
Michiru--she studied with me! We met up on the train, turns  
out her girlfriend's meeting her here--they live over in  
Annapolis Valley!"  
  
Something heavy suddenly released in Serena's chest and the  
smile she gave Michiru was so dazzling that the violin  
player was to remark to her lover later that she had met  
a girl with very startling blue eyes at the train station.  
  
Michiru spotted her girlfriend at that moment--a tall, boyish  
looking woman with short blonde hair--and excused herself to  
run over into her arms.  
  
Serena's heart managed to breath again.  
  
Then her eyes met Darien's and it stopped.  
  
He said hello to Rei and then stepped over to her,  
smiling broadly, "Meatballhead, how am I supposed to  
make fun of you with your hair like this?"  
  
He picked up a long wisp then and she would never know  
later how she managed to smile back.  
  
Once he stepped back she regained herself by forming  
a smirk and sticking her tongue out at him,  
"Hah! You can never call me that again!"  
  
She felt childish saying it, but then, that had always  
been their relationship hadn't it?   
  
And now he was confirming it.   
  
That almost kiss had meant nothing really. Too much  
moonlight. That was all.  
  
She ignored her heartache and listened amiably to his  
chatter all the way to the car. But before he got in his  
car he reached over and grabbed her arm, "Hey, wanna get  
together tonight and catch up?"  
  
She sucked in a huge breath.  
  
Andrew was waiting to see him after work. Rei wanted  
to catch up with him. His mother had missed him terribly.  
And he was offering to talk to her first?  
  
Serena looked dazedly at his mother, "Are you sure your  
mother won't mind?"  
  
Now she felt like a *real* idiot. She sounded like they   
were five.  
  
His mother laughed good-naturedly and Serena wanted to crawl  
under the dirt parking lot road.  
  
"I can spare him for a few hours." She chuckled.  
  
Darien winked impishly at her, "I'll see you around five then?"  
  
She managed to nod.  
  
Her mother wisely said nothing all the way home.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*  
*  
*  
  
By five she was nearly out of her mind. She haunted the window,  
wrinkling the curtains terribly as she balled the corners with  
her fists.  
  
Finally he came up the walkway, no guitar case, just him.  
  
She ushered him awkwardly in and her mother made him some  
tea.  
  
"So..." He said smiling as they sat down in the living room,  
"I hear you're taking photography, do you like it?"  
  
She smiled back, "I love it actually!" She paused, "Do you--do  
you want to see some of my work?"  
  
He nodded and stood.  
  
They headed up to her room and she let him walk in first, his eyes  
sweeping the walls appreciatively.  
  
"They look great." He commented, then his eyes fell to her desk  
and the picture of him, "Oh wow!" he said walking over and picking  
it up.  
  
Her humiliation was complete.  
  
"This is a few years old eh?" He chuckled, "I remember  
when you took it."  
  
She looked at him holding it. He seemed so much older  
and yet, so much the same. Oh, she was such a fool!  
  
He turned and grinned at her.  
  
She merely smiled a pained smile and nodded.  
  
"Come on." He said, putting down the tea cup, "Let's go  
for a walk."  
  
They headed out through all the trails they'd biked along and   
played around as children. The trees were taller and somehow,  
the air was sweeter.  
  
Serena gradually managed to relax and soon they were carrying on  
and joking just like the old days. He told her stories about  
music college and she told him about her first semester  
of photo.   
  
They were laughing about something....when she suddenly realized  
they were back at the field by the coast where his bonfire had  
been...  
  
She grew more and more silent as he lead her over the rocks  
and down onto the beach.  
  
All she kept thinking was what a little fool she'd been.  
  
Darien finally quieted himself, looking down pensively at her.  
  
"That dress looks even better on you now then it did two  
years ago." He said softly and her eyes darted up to meet his.  
  
"Thanks..." She bit her lip, "I'm sorry...I never wrote or anything.  
I wanted to but...."  
She met his eyes, "Why are you being so nice to me? I mean, after  
how we--"  
  
He cut her off by pulling something out of his jacket pocket. The  
photograph.  
  
"Because I got this." He said carefully, watching her face as  
she recognized it.  
  
In black and white, was a picture she'd set the camera to time,  
of all of them, before the bonfire, when it was still light enough.  
She sat at the front with Darien and they were all smiling.  
  
He put it away and took her hands gently, pulling her closer.  
Leaning down close to her mouth, watching her eyes shut tightly,  
he whispered, "Are you finally ready for me to kiss you?"  
  
Her heart froze, she looked up wide eyed to meet him,  
"Y-you still want to?"   
  
He smiled, "Yeah." He said, as though it were obvious.  
Then his eyes twinkled, "You know, I tried to forget you  
when I went away....I tried to date someone new."  
He shrugged, "It was...okay....but, you were always...  
different. Special. I never forgot. I always knew what I  
could have with you would be what I loved most. What I wanted  
most."  
  
He laughed, "My Profs kept asking me who the amazing girl all  
my songs were about was."  
  
She blushed, eyes widening even further, "You wrote...songs  
about me?"  
  
He smiled, his eyes lighting with that same feeling that had  
frightened her four years ago and now thrilled her to her  
toes, "They were all, always about you."  
  
His hands slipped slowly up her arms to her shoulders making  
her shiver, "I guess that makes you my muse."  
  
He tilted her chin up, "I didn't see any guys in your photos...?"  
  
Now she smiled, "I..." A blush burned into her cheeks, "I know  
I ruined that moment....but...I waited after that...I knew I could  
only want it from you."  
  
She met his eyes shyly, "I'm still waiting."  
  
His eyebrows raised, "You never kissed anyone else?"  
  
She shook her head furiously, apparently horrified at the thought,  
"NO!"  
  
He laughed at her adorable face, "Wow, I wasted some sleepless nights   
thinking it was just *me* you didn't want to kiss....but I kinda   
figured you were just too shy....God, when I think back now, you   
were only fourteen!"  
  
She looked down, "I was so ashamed of what I did....I felt so sorry.  
I wrote you dozens of letters...and then I couldn't mail them!"  
  
"Yeah, yeah, me too. I just...I didn't know what the right thing  
to say was." He confessed sympathetically.  
  
He gripped her shoulders tighter, leaning down closer and closer,   
"So....here we are again...." He looked up at the sunset just beginning,  
"No moonlight this time....there was too much that night anyway..."  
  
Her eyes widened.  
  
"Can I have a kiss?" He asked gently.  
  
He felt her hands trembling as they reached--half-awkward but determined  
to frame his face and then slide down to his shoulders as he closed the  
distance between them.  
  
There was a yes in her touch and in the dreamy haze of her eyes as they  
closed that words could never capture.  
  
He smiled and gently brushed her lips with his own, once, twice,  
before settling in and letting her grip him tight to prolong the moment.  
  
His lips were soft and warm and she could feel her whole body raise up  
to meet them. His aftershave was the same, the pressure of his arms  
around her...the way his breath tickled her face between kisses. She felt  
bliss. And something else. Love. It rose up out of her just like that  
and she knew, that's what had frightened her so much about this moment  
the first time.  
  
A moment that had faltered but stretched across four years, waiting to be  
completed this way. He knew, just from that, it was the kind of moment that  
turned into a lifetime.  
  
Serena knew it too. Afterall, she was kissing the love of her life.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
^_~ I hope I did the poem justice! Write and tell me minna! 


End file.
